Braelyn's Battle

Braelyn’s Battle

Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL)

Braelyn’s mother and I are members of the Emesis Writer’s Group and have known each other for years. The first time I met this sweet child I was bald and had to wear a surgical mask.  It was my first battle with Ovarian Cancer and Braelyn was a new baby to this world (she didn’t have much hair either).  Little did her mother know how that visit would affect me, it gave me hope.  I was so weak and here was this strong baby with a future of wonderful things to come.

It’s been a few years and Braelyn and I have grown hair, but now she is battling ALL.  It’s tough enough as an adult to go through cancer I can’t fathom being a child.  I would like to give hope to Braelyn and her family.  They have set up a site to help with the medical cost go check it out and if you can help please do so and let’s all give hope to Braelyn’s Battle. 

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/braelyn-s-battle/100760

Thank you,

Jacqueline Quinn Wood

Sometimes bad things happen for a good reason

Sometimes bad things happen for a good reason

 

I’m still around even though I haven’t written since February.  Went back on chemo February 14^th and after I was done I’ve been checking off the bucket list.  This is my 3^rd bought with chemo.  This last one wasn’t hard on me physically but it was hard mentally.

I kept my hair and nails but my mind was the problem.  After I started my chemo in February I found out an old classmate who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a month after me had passed away.  We had e-mailed one another during the summer of 2012 when it was our high school class reunion.  She was too ill to make it and I mentioned we’d make the next one and show everyone bald is beautiful. We both were giving a good fight.

She died January 2013.  For the first time in my life I was experiencing survivors’ guilt.  Why her and not me?

I shut down.  In June I told my husband that my CA-125 numbers didn’t go down as much as I’d like them too and this would be it.  I wasn’t going to do it anymore and needed a break even if it meant my end.  The good thing is on that very day and visit with my oncologist I was told my numbers where good enough to take a break.

So I have spent the last few months with friends and family.  One thing that was on my bucket list was to go to Comic Con.  Something my oldest sister and I spoke about many times. 

So when Comic Con came to my neck-of-the-woods my husband and I went (he’s such a good husband because this was not his thing).  I drove and looked all over for a parking spot when a woman got into her car, I turned on my blinker to claim my future parking space.  She got out and motioned to us she was staying.  I then pulled slowly past her when I noticed out of my rear view mirror she backed out.  I proceeded to go around hoping to reclaim the spot when a car pulled into the parking lot and took my space.  My sailor swearing talents began and my husband tried to calm me down.

I was now mad and ready to give up.  I spent about five more minutes going around downtown to find a spot.  I finally found one.  We walked a block to the convention center among kids and grown-ups dressed as their favorite super hero.  It was crowded and lines circled the block.  We didn’t buy tickets beforehand so my husband and I found someone with the convention and asked where to buy tickets, “They’re all sold out,” was the workers response.

I couldn’t believe it after all that and now they’re sold out.  Through my peripheral vision I saw a young man had just walked out of the convention center. He tapped me on the arm and handed me a ticket, “Here I have an extra ticket.”  I asked how much was he selling it for (my Hubby and I were constantly being approached by scalpers). He said, “Nothing, take it.”

I hugged him and said he had no idea what this means to me.  He just wanted to leave and didn’t care for recognition.  My husband said, “Go in and check it off your bucket list.”

My husband waited outside as I was able to go inside and see what this was all about. I only spent an hour but was able to see and hear local writers that I knew and even ran into someone from my nanny days in Hollywood.  I wished my sister was there because she would have loved the art work.

When I got out of the center my hubby was patiently waiting and as we walked to our car he said, “Do you realize that if that lady let you in her parking spot you would’ve never have ran into that guy who gave you a free ticket. You didn’t give up. All things happen in its proper time and even bad things (the lost parking spot) happen for a good reason (free ticket).  We sometimes just don’t realize it at the time.”

My Husband was right and for the first time this heavy feeling I had for months regarding my classmates’ death was lifted.  Things happen in its proper time and we may never understand it but in her honor and others with ovarian cancer I will live life to the fullest until the very end.

            So I would like to let you know don’t feel despair, we may never understand why bad things  happen to us but sometimes it’s for a good reason. 

Go out there…give a good fight and never give up.

I'll Overcome Someday

I'll Overcome Someday

When my mother was alive she’d always say, “God gives you nothing you can’t handle because he believes you can overcome”.  I swear when she’d give me this speech in the distance I’d hear the Gospel Hymn “I’ll Overcome Someday.”

The first verse drives into your soul as an anthem to live by.

This world is one great battlefield,
with forces all arrayed;
if in my heart I do not yield,
I'll overcome someday

A matter of fact lyrics were changed to become “We Shall Overcome” the song that lead the Freedom Movement and became part of a famous speech given by the late Martin Luther King Jr.

So when tough challenges in my life has raised its ugly head I’d say, bring it on because if God had this much faith in me to deal with adversity then I have faith in him to help me.

            When I was told in January 2011 that my cancer came back and it is now incurable it was as though I was being gutted alive.  I didn’t think I could survive such news (no pun intended) but I am still here.

            The thought of cursing God and hating all that was around me because life was not being fare filled my heart but only for a short millisecond.  Soon it was a battle to stay with the living and a great time for my feisty stubborn behavior to come to the forefront.

            I knew that this was not my time to let go and give up.  I had new lessons to learn and I was ready with a front row seat in the classroom of life.  Was I scared, you bet.  Was the unknown a cloud of darkness? Yes.

            I have realized that life is and will not be easy and that is exactly how it’s supposed to be.  When everything comes to you easily you never learn and you never appreciate the good.  Some people might have harder times than others.  It is all relative.

            This is how I’ve looked at every aspect of my life, what am I supposed to get out of this experience.  I asked that when I found out I would never have children and what I learned is giving birth does not make you a mother.  That all my “motherly” love could go toward nephews and nieces, the kids I taught and my step children.  That being childless does not make me less of a woman and it actually gave me a strength I didn’t think I had.  My challenges in life are set aside for me and what I need to learn.  It's not a punishment.

            So I sit here now receiving my chemotherapy for my 3^rd bout with a fatal disease and I am at peace.  I say peace because I am not fighting with the why me, I say why not me.  This is my life lesson and what I have learned from my cancer is that people waste so much time on insignificant things.  So what if the dishes aren’t done today and the kids decide to make mud art in the living room. Maybe the snake in the office got the promotion you worked so hard for or maybe your spouse forgot your birthday, or you are facing much worse scenarios. These things are tough to deal with but remember you are still here in the world classroom.  Take a breath, put your face to the sun and see the forest for the trees.  It can be very beautiful.  Slow down smell those roses, hug a friend in need.  I’ve said it before but cancer has given me a great gift that I never thought I needed and that is appreciate the small things God gives us and have the strength to stay in life’s classroom until you are called home.

            So when the next big trial comes to you, ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn?”  I promise that God knows and believes in you and like the last line in the song …

My Jesus says I need not fear, He'll make it plain someday.

I have faith that he will make it plain someday even though I can't make any since of it.  Until the last bell rings and I’m called home I’m still alive and learning

Go out there…have faith and overcome.

 

*Note I wrote this last Thursday and forgot to post, chemo brain is real. Ha!

HAPPY 2013?

 

HAPPY 2013?

Well we have made it past the Mayan Calendar and now we are hanging on to a fiscal cliff.  It might look pretty from this point of view but all I have to say is how the heck are we going to get down.  Sometimes I think we don’t look past our noses and see the real picture but I am going to leave politics behind because as 2012 ends and 2013 begins I realize that what is most important are those around me and what goes on within my own home.

No matter what government throws at us it is those we surround ourselves with and our own character that gets us through hard times.  I hope surrounding yourself with good things and friends is a goal for you as it has been for me.  My mother always told me, “Surround yourself with people who are smarter and better then you, because one you learn from them and two it makes you look good.”

Mama was right and I have had the privaledge to surround myself with wonderful people and no government will take that away from me.  So in the words of Bette Davis in one of her great film roles she said, “Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night.”  I think 2013 is going to be real bumpy year, but hey we’re all here and in it together.

I do hope our government realizes they work for us and we don’t work for them and do us right but if not I’m still going to hit that bucket list and check off my New Years resolution list which consist of learning to ride a horse english style and play a violin. 

So go out there…and check off the your resolutions and remember whats truly important and pray we aren't sheep going to the government slaughter and we all grow wings as we jump off this fiscal cliff.

           Happy 2013 and good luck!