Braelyn's Battle

Braelyn’s Battle

Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL)

Braelyn’s mother and I are members of the Emesis Writer’s Group and have known each other for years. The first time I met this sweet child I was bald and had to wear a surgical mask.  It was my first battle with Ovarian Cancer and Braelyn was a new baby to this world (she didn’t have much hair either).  Little did her mother know how that visit would affect me, it gave me hope.  I was so weak and here was this strong baby with a future of wonderful things to come.

It’s been a few years and Braelyn and I have grown hair, but now she is battling ALL.  It’s tough enough as an adult to go through cancer I can’t fathom being a child.  I would like to give hope to Braelyn and her family.  They have set up a site to help with the medical cost go check it out and if you can help please do so and let’s all give hope to Braelyn’s Battle. 

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/braelyn-s-battle/100760

Thank you,

Jacqueline Quinn Wood

Sometimes bad things happen for a good reason

Sometimes bad things happen for a good reason

 

I’m still around even though I haven’t written since February.  Went back on chemo February 14^th and after I was done I’ve been checking off the bucket list.  This is my 3^rd bought with chemo.  This last one wasn’t hard on me physically but it was hard mentally.

I kept my hair and nails but my mind was the problem.  After I started my chemo in February I found out an old classmate who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a month after me had passed away.  We had e-mailed one another during the summer of 2012 when it was our high school class reunion.  She was too ill to make it and I mentioned we’d make the next one and show everyone bald is beautiful. We both were giving a good fight.

She died January 2013.  For the first time in my life I was experiencing survivors’ guilt.  Why her and not me?

I shut down.  In June I told my husband that my CA-125 numbers didn’t go down as much as I’d like them too and this would be it.  I wasn’t going to do it anymore and needed a break even if it meant my end.  The good thing is on that very day and visit with my oncologist I was told my numbers where good enough to take a break.

So I have spent the last few months with friends and family.  One thing that was on my bucket list was to go to Comic Con.  Something my oldest sister and I spoke about many times. 

So when Comic Con came to my neck-of-the-woods my husband and I went (he’s such a good husband because this was not his thing).  I drove and looked all over for a parking spot when a woman got into her car, I turned on my blinker to claim my future parking space.  She got out and motioned to us she was staying.  I then pulled slowly past her when I noticed out of my rear view mirror she backed out.  I proceeded to go around hoping to reclaim the spot when a car pulled into the parking lot and took my space.  My sailor swearing talents began and my husband tried to calm me down.

I was now mad and ready to give up.  I spent about five more minutes going around downtown to find a spot.  I finally found one.  We walked a block to the convention center among kids and grown-ups dressed as their favorite super hero.  It was crowded and lines circled the block.  We didn’t buy tickets beforehand so my husband and I found someone with the convention and asked where to buy tickets, “They’re all sold out,” was the workers response.

I couldn’t believe it after all that and now they’re sold out.  Through my peripheral vision I saw a young man had just walked out of the convention center. He tapped me on the arm and handed me a ticket, “Here I have an extra ticket.”  I asked how much was he selling it for (my Hubby and I were constantly being approached by scalpers). He said, “Nothing, take it.”

I hugged him and said he had no idea what this means to me.  He just wanted to leave and didn’t care for recognition.  My husband said, “Go in and check it off your bucket list.”

My husband waited outside as I was able to go inside and see what this was all about. I only spent an hour but was able to see and hear local writers that I knew and even ran into someone from my nanny days in Hollywood.  I wished my sister was there because she would have loved the art work.

When I got out of the center my hubby was patiently waiting and as we walked to our car he said, “Do you realize that if that lady let you in her parking spot you would’ve never have ran into that guy who gave you a free ticket. You didn’t give up. All things happen in its proper time and even bad things (the lost parking spot) happen for a good reason (free ticket).  We sometimes just don’t realize it at the time.”

My Husband was right and for the first time this heavy feeling I had for months regarding my classmates’ death was lifted.  Things happen in its proper time and we may never understand it but in her honor and others with ovarian cancer I will live life to the fullest until the very end.

            So I would like to let you know don’t feel despair, we may never understand why bad things  happen to us but sometimes it’s for a good reason. 

Go out there…give a good fight and never give up.

I'll Overcome Someday

I'll Overcome Someday

When my mother was alive she’d always say, “God gives you nothing you can’t handle because he believes you can overcome”.  I swear when she’d give me this speech in the distance I’d hear the Gospel Hymn “I’ll Overcome Someday.”

The first verse drives into your soul as an anthem to live by.

This world is one great battlefield,
with forces all arrayed;
if in my heart I do not yield,
I'll overcome someday

A matter of fact lyrics were changed to become “We Shall Overcome” the song that lead the Freedom Movement and became part of a famous speech given by the late Martin Luther King Jr.

So when tough challenges in my life has raised its ugly head I’d say, bring it on because if God had this much faith in me to deal with adversity then I have faith in him to help me.

            When I was told in January 2011 that my cancer came back and it is now incurable it was as though I was being gutted alive.  I didn’t think I could survive such news (no pun intended) but I am still here.

            The thought of cursing God and hating all that was around me because life was not being fare filled my heart but only for a short millisecond.  Soon it was a battle to stay with the living and a great time for my feisty stubborn behavior to come to the forefront.

            I knew that this was not my time to let go and give up.  I had new lessons to learn and I was ready with a front row seat in the classroom of life.  Was I scared, you bet.  Was the unknown a cloud of darkness? Yes.

            I have realized that life is and will not be easy and that is exactly how it’s supposed to be.  When everything comes to you easily you never learn and you never appreciate the good.  Some people might have harder times than others.  It is all relative.

            This is how I’ve looked at every aspect of my life, what am I supposed to get out of this experience.  I asked that when I found out I would never have children and what I learned is giving birth does not make you a mother.  That all my “motherly” love could go toward nephews and nieces, the kids I taught and my step children.  That being childless does not make me less of a woman and it actually gave me a strength I didn’t think I had.  My challenges in life are set aside for me and what I need to learn.  It's not a punishment.

            So I sit here now receiving my chemotherapy for my 3^rd bout with a fatal disease and I am at peace.  I say peace because I am not fighting with the why me, I say why not me.  This is my life lesson and what I have learned from my cancer is that people waste so much time on insignificant things.  So what if the dishes aren’t done today and the kids decide to make mud art in the living room. Maybe the snake in the office got the promotion you worked so hard for or maybe your spouse forgot your birthday, or you are facing much worse scenarios. These things are tough to deal with but remember you are still here in the world classroom.  Take a breath, put your face to the sun and see the forest for the trees.  It can be very beautiful.  Slow down smell those roses, hug a friend in need.  I’ve said it before but cancer has given me a great gift that I never thought I needed and that is appreciate the small things God gives us and have the strength to stay in life’s classroom until you are called home.

            So when the next big trial comes to you, ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn?”  I promise that God knows and believes in you and like the last line in the song …

My Jesus says I need not fear, He'll make it plain someday.

I have faith that he will make it plain someday even though I can't make any since of it.  Until the last bell rings and I’m called home I’m still alive and learning

Go out there…have faith and overcome.

 

*Note I wrote this last Thursday and forgot to post, chemo brain is real. Ha!

HAPPY 2013?

 

HAPPY 2013?

Well we have made it past the Mayan Calendar and now we are hanging on to a fiscal cliff.  It might look pretty from this point of view but all I have to say is how the heck are we going to get down.  Sometimes I think we don’t look past our noses and see the real picture but I am going to leave politics behind because as 2012 ends and 2013 begins I realize that what is most important are those around me and what goes on within my own home.

No matter what government throws at us it is those we surround ourselves with and our own character that gets us through hard times.  I hope surrounding yourself with good things and friends is a goal for you as it has been for me.  My mother always told me, “Surround yourself with people who are smarter and better then you, because one you learn from them and two it makes you look good.”

Mama was right and I have had the privaledge to surround myself with wonderful people and no government will take that away from me.  So in the words of Bette Davis in one of her great film roles she said, “Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night.”  I think 2013 is going to be real bumpy year, but hey we’re all here and in it together.

I do hope our government realizes they work for us and we don’t work for them and do us right but if not I’m still going to hit that bucket list and check off my New Years resolution list which consist of learning to ride a horse english style and play a violin. 

So go out there…and check off the your resolutions and remember whats truly important and pray we aren't sheep going to the government slaughter and we all grow wings as we jump off this fiscal cliff.

           Happy 2013 and good luck! 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

12/21/12 HAS PAST AND WE ARE STILL HERE

SO GO OUT THERE AND...

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HUG A LITTLE TIGHTER



Hug A Little Tighter

 

I was going to share with you my experience of my cancer coming back but at this time my heart is heavy over another matter that is much more than my trivial plight.  I morn along with the nation over the recent shootings of innocent children.  Proceeded by mass shootings in movie houses and malls and copy catted by others in recent days.

            We have heard murder suicide stories by a professional football player among others.  This all seems so crazy and it is.  What are we to do? I was prepared to write and give you my POV (point of view) but feel it’s a matter I will address some other time.  Because tonight I’m going out there and spending time with my family and friends. I suggest yawl do the same, go out there…spend time with loved ones and hug your children a little tighter, we may never know what tomorrow brings.

CHEMO COCKTAIL ANYONE?

Chemo Cocktail Anyone?

A chemo cocktail is not a new drink from some fancy nightclub in Manhattan, only if it were that simple.  A chemo cocktail is what us cancer patients refer to the different chemicals that they mix to kill those ugly cancer cells.  Unlike an alcohol drink which can make ugly people look prettier if you have enough, a chemo cocktail only makes you sicker before you feel better.  Unlike the alcohol drinks you might have a hangover the next morning but when it comes to a chemo cocktail it’s days of hangovers or a never ending case of the flu. 

When I first started in this venture with cancer I had a different oncologist then the one I have now.  I was not very comfortable with the first onc because she left a lot of unanswered questions and told me to go to the internet for answers. Remember you pay them so don’t be afraid to question them or change doctors if you are not comfortable.

The first oncologist left me shaken, (not stirred, ha!) to where I had to use the power of prayer after internet research.  She pretty much threw big words at me like I was supposed to know what the crap she was talking about.  This was old hat to her but new to me so I had to go to the big guy upstairs for answers. I don’t care what religion you are or if you don’t belong to one I personally believe in a bigger power then myself.  So go for whatever works best for you. 

After I checked the internet and studied the different chemo cocktails at the “bar” I was calm once and I new what cocktail to do and that I needed someone else to guide me.  It helped that the first one was leaving but I then researched on the next and asked questions and am happy with my care.  The following are excerpts from my diary regarding the first time in chemo and its aftermath.  The cocktail wasn’t yummy, but it was lifesaving.

December 2, 2010

First day of chemo, wore pearls and Princess Diana ring my friend gave me.  There’s a book out about a woman who wore red lipstick to her chemotherapy sessions so I followed her example and it helped.  I felt pretty though my insides were ugly.   I could feel the chemo go through me.  I felt pangs throughout my stomach and right breast.  My port is on that side so they checked it for blood but everything was OK.  It was under my right breast that the pain started this whole thing back in September.  Feel weird, tired with anxiety. Scared not sure what to do.  Need sleep but I am scared to sleep.

The internet was helpful and I had learned to eat ginger snaps and chew on ice and breathe mints.  It’s supposed to help with vomiting and taste buds.  I think it worked.

December 7, 2010

I know I haven’t written much but it is a little difficult.  Energy has been real low though the days have been good enough to go for walks.  That has saved me but I seem to not be able to get going until 2PM.  Just to go to the bathroom is a chore, brush my teeth take a bath.  It’s like I need to take a nap in between each minor task.  But I plug along.  I try to keep my tears, the pain and frustration to myself though at times I express them. I keep it to a minimum so not to wear out those that are trying to support me. 

Friends and family are a very important part of recovery.  It was very hard for me since I have always been a very independent person and I think people with any kind of long term illness have a tenancy to go into hiding.  I had to humble myself and realize there was nothing wrong with letting others help especially nurses that were at first strangers but soon became my biggest cheerleader outside of my husband and loved ones.

Sorry I missed a week (I heard from some of you) but the holidays have me tied down as I’m sure most of you are busy.  I managed to push through chemo and buzz cuts that first (2011) time to put up my Christmas decorations.  Doing everyday things and trying to keep busy between the many naps was vital to my survival.  Normalcy is very important but so is rest.

Next week I’ll share what it was like to hear the bomb that the cancer is back and almost dying from the chemo during the second bout (2012).  Until then go out there…listen to what your body tells you and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

 

                   Chemo cocktail and coke is nothing like Rum and Coke

 After my first fight with cancer and "graduating" March 17, 2011.  I wore as much green as possible hoping the luck of the Irish would be on my side