THE BUCKET LIST

The Bucket List

We all have one somewhere in our minds or written down on the back of an envelope in a pile of papers.  We always convince ourselves that one day we’d get to it, but I now believe never leave it to someday, because you never know when there will be no more days to check off something on that list.

Unlike the movie The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson most of us don’t have the luck of meeting up with a wealthy person to help us fulfill the items on our personal list. 

When I received my first diagnosis my husband did everything he could working overtime so I could visit my relatives and go back home to one of my childhood haunts of Conroe, Texas.  I’ve been working on a book with the back drop of Conroe and wanted to see if it was how I remembered.  I went with my sisters Leigh and Cindy and read them excerpts from the book as we took a tour of the places certain scenes took place around town. 

It had been over forty years but I went back in time and became that four year old little girl as I waded in the cool waters of the San Jacinto River with my sisters.  It was as though my cancer floated away in the murky waters.

I saw family friends I hadn’t seen since I was a child and stayed in their house that was two doors down from my Houston home.  The neighborhood hadn’t changed much since the 60’s.  While I was there I celebrated my birthday that I thought I’d never see and the Gallo family surprised me with a “Barbie” cake.  I told myself during chemo that if I lived long enough to see my next birthday I wanted a “Barbie” cake, but I never told anyone.  I cried.

I didn’t have a millionaire but I had aunts and uncles who helped me by letting me stay with them or take me around to places I lived at as a child in Tennessee and shared memories.  I will never forget driving with the top down with my Aunt in Cape Cod.  I had cousins that cooked for me, made me laugh and hung out with me at the grave yards (I see dead people, Ha!) and let me stay in their home on the beach.  I want to thank them for helping me have such a wonderful time.  My family and friends are very diverse but they are great.

When my second diagnosis came this past year and the odds looked bleak I said to myself I need to find a way to fulfill a childhood dream of mine to go to the Bahamas and swim with dolphins.  My parents went to the Bahamas in a once in a lifetime trip that I believe they won though a contest. Listening to my mother tell me how wonderful it was I dreamt maybe one day I’d see the beaches of the islands, but felt it would never happen.

My husband went into overdrive when he found this out and also the children and staff that I worked with at the Winner School.  When I had to take my leave of absence due to my chemo treatments the kids had started a wishing well fund.  With their pennies and some help from generous parents and my boss I was able to make that trip. 

When my boss first told me what they were doing and if it’s okay I was hesitant.  My husband and I talked it over and said it was fine but we would only accept a certain amount.  When all was said and done it was way more than I ever expected and had a difficult time excepting the generous funds.  I cried for days in disbelief, I felt unworthy of such a wonderful gift.

With the help of All Points Travel setting everything up, my husband and I had the times of our lives and I was able to cross off two items on my bucket list.  The people of Nassau were wonderful, the place was beautiful and I wanted to take the dolphins’ home.  My eyes welled with tears as I rubbed the belly of a dolphin knowing this dream could not have been fulfilled if it wasn’t for the kids, staff and my husband.  I am truly blessed and realize we are not meant to take this journey through life alone.

I’ve always told people that in some ways it has been a blessing to get cancer.  It’s not a walk in the park but just like in a Tim McGraw’s song the lyrics say “I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin’.”

Sorry I haven’t posted anything the last two Tuesdays but I’ve been crossing off my bucket list and I challenge you to do the same.  Go out there…cross something off your bucket list today.
 

The last day in the Bahamas:(Say cheese!

We had a blast and it was beautiful! My 47th birthday cake the Gallo's made for me:)

In Conroe, Texas 5 months after my first 6 rounds of chemo and me and my sisters with our feet in the San Jacinto River where we used to swim as kids.

 My feet in the sands of Cape Cod.

The Naked Truth about a Prince, a Vampire and the Astronaut

The Naked Truth about a Prince, a Vampire and the Astronaut

 

            So here we are in the middle of social media and what do most of us do with it.  Well if I am seeing things right we’re acting like complete fools.  If someone has a breakdown on a plane we get our cell phones out and aim it at the person who already has it tough, but who cares we can sell it to the news like FOX or CNN, we can be rich by selling our souls. Where are the Walter Cronkite’s of today?

            The naked truth about Prince Harry and his photo’s is he wasn’t acting very royal except maybe a royal pain to his family. In my youth if someone did something stupid that involved the birthday suit we didn’t have cell phones for the quick pic of the moment and we didn’t have paparazzi following our every move.  I love Harry but honey zip it up and think twice before you have too many drinks and pick better friends. For the person distributing them I feel sorry for you that you feel you need to profit and destroy someone else’s reputation while you were butt naked taking pictures.  He wasn't being smart but remember you treat others as you want to be treated so don’t feel bad if someone plasters your family jewels for your children and future generations to see.  What a proud moment on the family tree.

            I want to know who was in the bushes stalking Kristen Stewart and that much married Snow White film director?  Was it a stupid act on their part? Yes, but she is single and he’s married with children and twenty years older than her so why are people calling her a trampire for entertainment. I’m not going to be up on my soap box on this but all I have to say is whoever took that picture obviously needed the money because if they really wanted to help they could have exposed this affair in private and not put the families through all this media frenzy.  I’d hate to see what is hiding in your closet.

            Last but not least my hero died just a few days ago Neil Armstrong.  When I was turning five and living in Conroe, Texas my mother called me in from play and made me watch the landing on the moon.  I was mesmerized watching the old black and white.  Times were much simpler then and I didn’t have a cell phone to text anyone but I had a family that sat down with me and we shared a historical moment together.

            Upon his death the internet and twitter were a buzz but to my dismay when I turned on my computer and saw Lance Armstrong’s picture under the title First Man on Moon, Neil Armstrong dead at 82 I just lost it.  Are we so in a hurry to be the first to have the story of someone’s failure or torrid pictures of a disaster that we don’t check the facts or care what it might do to someone?  Remember what you put on blogs, facebook, twitter whatever the media, its forever out there.  Calm down your anger when it comes to comments on social media all that swearing shows you don’t have the intelligence to come up with something wittier.  You’re smart.

            You may think we can’t see you behind the lens or the key board but what you put out there shows everyone who you truly are.  If you can’t say it face to face or you don’t want embarrassing pictures of yourself than think twice before you push the publish button because most of us are not interested in your personal hygiene moments and other classless stuff that are best to be deleted.

            In 1969 Neil Armstrong was the first person on the moon and before he left a historical foot print in the dust he said, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." So here’s a thought, let’s leap forward and go out there…turn off the twitter and talk to someone face to face use the cell phone for taking pictures of beauty because you might miss something historical in your own life.

CATS ARE ANGELS TOO!

Cats are Angels too!

          I moved around a lot as a child but even though my sisters and I were uprooted every two years we seem to manage to adopt a pet off the streets or from some pet store.  The sad thing is when we moved we had to give up the animals.  Our mother would tell us they would be going to good homes, as I got older I stopped asking because I didn’t want to know where these “good homes” were.

            I’m sure I’m not alone in the tragedies of loving a domesticated animal only to lose them to other families or for some to be truly lost or killed due to living in city traffic.  I was mostly a lover of cats and every pet I have owned is still a part of me, but it wasn’t until my illness did I realize how important animals are to our everyday life. 

            When my father had a stroke years before he died I had moved away for a short while and left my parents with my much loved Calico cat.  After a couple of years I moved back and got an apartment in the next town.  I wanted to have my cat with me.  I was too stupid to recognize the bond that my father, who was mostly bedridden, and the Calico had formed in my absence.

            My mother explained to me that the cat would sleep on my father’s chest tucked in his beard and that the cat would sit on the table next to him as he painted.  The Calico watched patiently as my father applied every brush stroke to canvas with a hand that was trembling.

            On the first night I was in my new apartment the cat ran away not to return for days disheveled and scared.  In my heart I knew she was looking for my father and I wish I was smarter back then to realize she was no longer my cat but my fathers.

            When I had my cancer surgery in October of 2010 two of my sisters were in town and stayed with my husband as they took shifts with me at the hospital.  Little did I know but my beloved cat Mookie was going through her own pain of not having me home.  She would look at my sisters and though they had dark hair and our voices sounded similar she knew it wasn’t me.

            After about a week she was so distraught my husband told me she attacked him as though he was responsible for me being gone.  When I was able to leave the hospital and come home she didn’t leave my side and though in the past she would sleep or walk on my belly somehow she knew not to do so.

            Once my family left and my husband had to return to work she babysat me, literally.  My husband gave the cat instructions to keep me in bed, well its hard keeping me down so when I mustered up the energy I got out of bed and wanted to go down stairs.  Mookie sat at the door of the bedroom all fluffed up and yellow eyes piercing into mine.  Her eyes let me know she took my husband’s instructions to heart and did not budge from the door way.  I had to laugh as she wouldn’t let me through and walked back into bed as she joined me and stayed there till he got home.

            She is my little angel and a life saver during those dark hours when I was home alone until my husband’s return.  She allowed me to cry and many times reached out with her paw to touch my arm.  My husband has also told me how she has come to his rescue during those first days after my cancer nightmare.

            Sometimes we might look at our pets and see them as animals that we must take care of but its moments like these that I realized they actually take care of us.  Go out there …adopt an animal or hug the one you’ve got because you never know how long you have them before they have to find a “new home.”  I’m happy to say my angel has been with us for over 11 years.

 Mookie saying her daily prayers

Here she stands her ground

 She lets us know she doesn't want us to go away

The War on Cancer

The War on Cancer

          Just the other day I had my 3 month checkup at my oncologist.  You ask any cancer survivor or one living with cancer this is one of the most nerve racking experiences someone can go through.  It’s only a blood test (CA-125) but it’s a test that tells you how much sand you have left in your hour glass.

          I remember being upset when I heard that Elizabeth Edward’s (ex-wife to the idiot John Edwards) stop being tested before she died of cancer because she couldn’t take it anymore.  At the time I thought how could anyone give up especially when you have young children.  I was naïve and now see her example was in her strength of living up to the time of her death.  I had just had my surgery (October 2010) to remove all my cancer and started my first chemo, I was in the fight for my life.  This is what I call boot camp.

          You’re learning how to use your weapon (your mind) and studying up on the guns and ammunition (chemo treatments).  I remember walking daily in the cold snowy winter months, because my oncologist told me I needed too, much like a soldier drudging in the mud knowing if he/she doesn’t learn these skills it is a matter of life and death.  My Generals were my surgeon and oncologist.  My captain’s were nurses that guided me through everyday land mines.  I did everything they asked me to do.  I was a good soldier.  I was determined not to have the cancer come back.

          Once you are done with your treatment and your counts are normal (a CA-125 is a blood marker for cancer and normal is 0-35 I started this journey with over 800) you hope you never have to battle cancer again.  They call you cancer free if your counts are good for 5 years.  Insurance companies won’t even look at you to insure you if your counts aren’t clear for 10 years.

          Much like war, the enemy (cancer) crossed the lines and came back into my territory during December 2011 as my counts started climbing and tripling.  Chemo started in the beginning of 2012, what a way to start the New Year.  What doctors failed to tell me the first time around is that once it comes back it becomes incurable which is political correctness for saying terminal.

          I don’t believe in being politically correct so I asked for the writing on the wall.  When they told me women in my case usually live 1 to 3 years but there is a small case of women making it to10 I’m sure I turned white as a sheet.  But I told myself I’m not like other women and cancer will not define me I will define it.

          I’m sure I’m not original in this thinking, but it is something that anyone facing this kind of a diagnosis must think about.  Do you simply throw in your last grenade or go in full barrels loaded and all the ammo you’ve got.  Save your bombs for that last stretch of beach that is your territory. 

You fight every day in this battle hoping that medical science might help and rescue you, but for now you know you have an army behind you and you are not alone.  There are others in the trenches and you must support one another until the very end.  Some will go before you and others after but one day in time the War can and will be won, I believe that.

I have been doing well and enjoying some R&R, so when I walked into the cancer center that day I was sure they must have misdiagnosed me and had the wrong draft card, but I was thrown back into reality when I noticed a gentleman in a wheel chair.  He wasn’t much older than me but I could tell he was in his last stages.  Battle scars were visible upon his face but I saw a strong warrior.  He was there for his chemo cocktail, frail but fighting. 

Most cancer patients have a port (that is a devise they put in your body to make it easier for you to handle the needles etc…).  I had my first one removed and I refer to the device as my purple heart because of its shape.  I am not trying to compare my fight with the real heroes of today I’m just trying to state that anyone dealing with a life altering disease can model themselves with their courage.

They go on fighting for their cause and have faith in their fellow soldiers.  We must do the same.  Even when you feel your number is up, muster whatever energy you have left and go out there…storm that beach, you might not live through that battle but your courage will help win this war!

My Purple Heart

ICE AGE: A Families Story

                                        Me, Cindy (prowd Mama) and Carolyn

ICE AGE: A Families Story

What are little boys made of?

What are little boys made of?

Slugs and snails

And puppy-dogs' tails,

That's what little boys are made of

What are little girls made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of

 

            I have never had children of my own but I have the privilege of being an Aunt to 15 and my Great Aunt status keeps growing.  I’m proud of all of them and their talents. This past week I went with my sister Cindy and her friend Carolyn to see my nephew’s (Cindy's son) latest project, Ice Age: Continental Drift.  He wasn’t the only name in the credits and a movie takes a lot of people to get the project done, but you would have thought that he was the only person of importance in the theater as we went nuts seeing his name.

            There is nothing more exciting than seeing your nephews and nieces grow up and go for their true potential.  Among them I have talented artist, policeman, fireman, coast guard, athletes and businessmen.  Though they all go in their different directions I have to say the arts are particularly a big deal in my family.  My mother was an actress that worked with the likes of Grace Kelly, Alec Guinness, Montgomery Clift and Director Elia Kazan.  Most of her work ended up on the cutting room floor (her parts were small) but she had stories to tell. 

            My father was a graduate of Pratt in New York an art school.  When he was struck down by a stroke in his 60’s and became paralyzed on the right side I challenged him to paint with his left hand.  His craft never wondered as he did amazing work with his left as well as his early works with his right hand.  He came from a line of Irish story tellers and his tales were bigger than life.

            In their late 20’s my father ended up being a business man and my mother ended up being a housewife as their family grew to four daughters but their talent never left them.  My father painted every day after he became home bound and my mother created a studio for him.  She did plays in her later years and I never knew how funny she was until she took a toilet seat cover out of her purse and blew her nose in it from a scene in the play “Harvey”.  It was her idea to use the tissue seat cover and not a real tissue.

            I’m not trying to paint a perfect picture of family, being raised by two artistic people was a nightmare at times but they are my parents and no matter what, we are family.  Yes, we all have little battles within the family structure but very much like this cute, funny movie about family, in the end we are together no matter how far apart the ice might take you.

            Go out there…find your family, hug them and never let go! My parents on their wedding day and my sister's and I (I'm the baby) in Conroe, TX

 

                                                        Nephew's and Niece's

THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITSH ARE COMING!

THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITSH ARE COMING!

            Who would have guessed that Queen Elizabeth II wanted or dreamed of being a Bond Girl at 86 years of age?  I have to admit I was never a James Bond fan until Daniel Craig came aboard.  Paint me gold and tickle me British.  I’ll take a sweet lump of Craig in my tea any day, but he wasn’t the one who stole the show at the opening ceremonies at the Olympics.  Sure he looked mighty fine in his tailored suit and blue eyes but it’s my girl the Queen who showed us that you can never be to Royal to laugh at yourself and have a little fun.  For anyone who missed the opening act of the Olympics check out the BBC and watch our girl fly!

 

            Brilliant show I say what a year you Brits have had, Royal wedding, Diamond Jubilee and now the 2012 Olympics.  Wish I could be on the other side of the pond enjoying the fun but I’m like most mortals that have to watch on the telly, but that doesn’t mean I have never dreamed of being an Olympian, let’s face it we all have.  When I was a kid and ran that 50 yard dash in sixth grade I fantasized winning the gold medal even if the handmade accolade to first place was yellow construction paper and not real gold.

            This is a time for the world family to get together and the only difference between us is that we cheer under different flags.  These Olympians can give us hope that sometimes we don’t have to be at war with one another but simply compete for the mere reason that as an athlete you need to swim, jump or run.  You compete against your own personal best and none other.

            Since most of us are not Olympic Athletic God’s and we go on with our lives filled with jobs and nasty bosses, children and dirty diapers, bills and not enough money we can watch in the days to come and imagine we are there.  Toss that memo into the garbage and score two points for the team, leap over the children’s toys and listen to the roaring crowd, run to the mail box before the bill deadline and break the world record.

            I’d like to thank the Queen for showing us how to laugh and the athletes for letting us watch their dreams come true.  Everyone raise your glasses, salute your flags and feel your countries pride because no matter what colors you live under we are all champions.  Don’t forget your dreams and remember we can start at any age. On your mark-get set-GO OUT THERE!

Batman vs. Joker / Character vs. Choice

Batman vs. Joker / Character vs. Choice

            When you think of Batman he is a fictional superhero who is moral, ethical, honest, courage’s and has integrity, these words are used in the English dictionary to describe character. When you look into the lives of a comic book villain like the Joker (who is also fictional) you see that the words used to describe character do not apply.  Character is built upon choices that we make in everyday life. 

            I put these words together (character & choice) because I feel we have lost touch with the importance of their meaning.  To have character some may say you give up your freedom of choice.  We can abuse our choices taking it to a level where we no longer take responsibility for our own actions.  By not taking responsibility we are like a cat on a fence, balancing trying not to fall but unlike the feline we do not have tails to twist our bodies and land softly. When we fall we break and when we break we leave a mess.  Much like the mess that was left at the midnight showing of Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, in Aurora, Colorado.   

            There where choices made that night some had been in the making for months others in a split second.  I want to take this moment and reflect on choice and how we all have this opportunity to build good character.   Some may say the Dark Knight shooter (I choose not to use his name) has a mental illness and has no choice.  I say that’s a coward’s excuse.  I have friends with mental illness and they do not murder.  They take care of themselves and seek professional help. They are brave.  Others say we must change gun laws, I know plenty of people who own guns and they do not murder.  What has happened to accountability? 

            Choices were made months earlier when the shooter allowed himself to go down a dark path.  Maybe the shooter was trying to understand himself by entering the field of neuroscience.  We may never know.  But he did have a choice.  When things become blurred one must seek help.  There is no shame in that.

            In the darken theater when the excitement of the fictional movie turned to a bloody horror of reality, men and woman of good character shined a bright beacon in what is a dark moment in history.  Four men shielded their girlfriends and in doing so lost their own lives.  They made the choice long before that night that helped mold their character for that moment. Who says chivalry is dead their example shows us it is alive and well. 

            There were strangers trying to drag victims to safety only to find out it was too late.  Hugs given and hand holding to people with bloody clothing letting a stranger know you are not alone.  This was a community of people who enjoy the legacy of the fictional heroic figure of Batman.  It took only one person who chose to follow the fictional lead of a comic book villain that has changed us all, but it was the community of Batman lovers that showed us they are the superheroes that there is still good in this world.  I honor them and at this time take a moment for the many heroes in theater number 9 and say thank you, thank you for giving us faith in humanity.  Thank you for showing us that in a couple of minutes of one man’s evil choice there were many people who showed strength and character.

            I choose at this time to list those who lost their lives in the Batman Massacre, we must pray for their families and for the survivors and even for the Dark Knight shooter’s family who are victims too.  We all need to heal as a family of mankind.

             

Jessica Ghawi                               Jesse Childress     

         In their memory ask yourself which one am I, villain or superhero? I hope you said the latter.  Go out into the world and make good choices today, build good character … we need more superheroes in a world full of villains.